Be the miracle you wish to receive

 

Since I haven’t been sharing poetry lately, I just wanted to post something that caught my attention this evening here and on soundcloud. Enjoy.

Be the miracle you wish to receive

When the only thing left are only words that have been said before
Shattered feelings
Colors that run bleed and linger
What kind of person will I be
I guess I know why Frida painted
Sometimes only the lines colors and strokes understand
Sometimes there are no more words and you don’t wish to speak
Because words are too heavy
Too weighty
Not redeeming enough
The only thing forgiving enough is the tightly stretched canvas that gives
I’ve been here before on this floor
But I’ve never fallen this hard
The only thing that lifts me is the pen or brush
sometimes you are on the bus ride home from work thinking what type of existence is this?
To use me for such beauty then wring me so dry
At first with no tears left to cry just dull pain
I thought I could move on
I had it together didn’t I
Hell no
Damn
I didn’t
but now I am here just trying to become a better woman
Trying to move on
Become my own miracle
Was that realization supposed to make it easier?
When the only things left are words that have been said before
Shattered feelings
Colors that run bleed and linger
What kind of person will I be
I guess I know why Frida painted
Sometimes only the lines colors and strokes understand
Shattered feelings
Colors that run bleed and linger
What kind of person will I be
Something in the back of my mind says a miracle
To be the miracle I think I need
To be the miracle I wish to receive

 

Copyright© 2018 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

Reflections of the 20th year, Becoming..21

A poem in gratitude of my 20 yrs

I wrote this a couple weeks before my 21st birthday/solar return/earthstrong/new year

I just wanted to share this piece, in reflection and in thanks for life

I meant to post this yesterday

thought to share it anyhow, despite the lateness

 

Thank you for who I am

Thank you for who I have become

Thank you for everything I have gone through in life

The good and the bad

Or the things that seemed to be of either

Because every piece of those circumstances has brought me new or highlighted wisdom

To help me go through what I am today

With a victorious mind and spirit

In  the receptivity of my mind and acceptance in my heart makes things matter of fact

Thank you for the parents I have

The families I come from for sharing their talents with me

Thank you for everything they’ve done and are still doing for me

Thank you for what they have taught me knowingly and unknowingly

Even if we have problems we are still connected and are reinforcement

We can make it together as long as we love ourselves

Thank you for those who treat me like family in the knowledge of our oneness as transcendental temporary earth beings

Thank you for allowing such genuine people into my life

Thank you for my king

Thank you for us being able to live harmoniously and complimentary

Thank you

For the affirmation

Thank you for the truth because without it I would have been on a path that is not my own

Trying to give fully what I only had on loan

Lost

Not able to find home because I had equated loneliness with being alone

Deficient because I made it so

Because when you worry it will only come back 100 fold

Universal law says

Whoever has gratitude will be given more;  and he or she will have an abundance

Whoever does not have gratitude even what he  or she has will be taken from him or her

Thank you for the visionary in me

To be able to see that trying to create a picture in someone’s eyes that isn’t a reflection of reality is wrong and will only come back to bite me

See you can’t try to convince someone that things are one way when they really are another and not think that everything will hide once the light of truth shines

The truth does not discriminate

It only illuminates what life can be once you accept things as they presently are

If you build from a fake portrait of reality, you wonder why later you get played like a dummy

Fakeness only fits more fakeness

Like blocks of a tower you have to build what you want to have the greater power

If you build with hate anger embarrassment or fear you will take away from the good at present

and will end up hurt even more

Just be firm in the truth

Don’t be scared of what others will think of you

Because  sooner rather than later, they will find out anyway

Remember truth does not discriminate

Build on self-respect

Stand in your truth

Others will respect you for it

Know that what keeps you up is worthy of reinforcement

If you build your life to look a certain way, it will all crumble

if you choose to build with what’s fake, you will see that you were the only one fooled in thinking you were building to begin with

Be accepting or let it go

Thank you for helping me to see that I don’t know everything

However, it is quite contrary

I have a lot to learn and am eager

I’m excited

Thank you for this 21^st year in counting

Thank you for all that I have learned

Help me to be able to teach what I receive and learn more as I am blossoming

Becoming, growing, and thriving

Thank you for helping me to see myself as I am and who I choose to become

I can only work with what is naturally inside of me

I am just a chemist in this field of biology

In reflection I have found, there is a serious problem if people can’t look in the mirror and say I am beautiful

I am happy

I am victorious

I am thriving

I am becoming the best I can be

Mean every word and not be considered arrogant, conceited, or boastful

Without someone telling us first or us asking permission to say so, apologizing, or being ashamed for being so bold

Let me be a living testament to break the walls of insecurity and share that you are not wrong for loving yourself

And being comfortable in who you are and in line with yourself

We are here to pave the way for others

We are here to fulfill our destinies

Become the highest wo/manifestations of our vibrancy

We are supposed to be the best of ourselves for the betterment of humanity

Stand for truth, not shy away

We are supposed to live this life in love.. every second, minute, and hour of every day

and know that the step you take now is just the first of a beautiful journey

Give thanks

Everything is all right all the time

It’s part of the divine plan..no matter how difficult

We are learning what we need to know to make us stronger

I’ve learned that I am a diamond

I’ve had to go through pressure to become one

I am a pearl

I had to be a grain of sand

Many grains of sand

I am a butterfly

I had to be a caterpillar for a long time

I had to be in a cocoon

A chrysalis

I had to go through many states

I am always transforming

Narelle Ankh Khepera

This is a journey of life

In life, I am

becoming

Thank you

Copyright© 2014 Narelle Thomas

All rights reserved.

Beautiful- A tribute to breast cancer survivors

Hi everyone,

Just a bit of background:

I wrote this piece because I was asked to perform a piece for A Breast Cancer Survivors Ball. I was very shocked at this invitation and deeply touched because I have never been through this or been around anyone closely enough to even share personal experiences, but was trusted for such an offering. I wouldn’t be able to make it so I recorded this piece and decided to share it on my site and soundcloud. The event (Pretty In Pink) was held by Gardner’s House which is an organization that helps people with Cancer to get necessities and support that they need despite circumstances. The founder is a breast cancer survivor herself. I find her story very inspiring. She is a beautiful person and full of strength. As I explored more and more stories on breast cancer survivors and their families, this is what came to me. Find out more about the dynamic and excellent work of Gardners House here: http://www.gardnershouse.org

 

Beautiful

 

They said I would not make it to see today

This morning I opened my eyes

Breathed the breath of life

And knew that there was a reason why

I give thanks

I cannot stop

 I have to try

There is a reason why

When adversity comes we must learn how to ascend

We must teach ourselves to fly

Pink is symbolic of my struggle

of my climb

of how far we have come

and that we can still have fun

It keeps me inspired to do more because there is more to come

It reminds me I have and must continue to do more than just survive

To enhance the quality of life

To be beautiful and bold enough to take the masked faces off of our fears

Embrace the tears from many nights of remembrance and dealing

 

The days to this point have not been easy

Many nights I cried myself to sleep

Heaving oxygen wondering why all of this now?

To me?

Cancer did not make me who I am, but on this journey I refused to let it break me

The reality hit when they said I have numbered days to live

That was the hardest part of the day but in acceptance of what may come I found truth

Death begins in the mind and I have more work to do

Sometimes the ugliest things in life show us the true beauty within

It breaks us down to show us what created the bonds in our foundation

 

It took me so long to see

I had been blind

Keeping up with appearances and holding onto unnecessary things

They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but what does that mean when your eyes are not seeing reality

If there is no room to see what can be

 

They said I would not make it to see today

This morning I opened my eyes

Breathed the breath of life

And knew that there was a reason why

Every night I will shine with the stars

Shine the light on visions of sunrise

Every day I will rise with the sun

Warm and brilliant

Blossoming as the flowers do

Growing through adversity

Triumphant

Spreading my wings and soaring like the birds do

Coming out of my cocoon

I am no longer in hiding or ashamed

Or to be pitied

I am a reflection of possibility

A beauty

In rare form

No longer feeling like a victim

I am a victorious woman

And I still dream

Finding blessings in each piece of every day

A kind word

A loving hug

A smile so warm

The calm of the rain

The force of the storm

The rainbow after

 

Fall came around and my hair was falling as much as the green from the trees

Preparing for the coldest winter
Waiting for the warmth of spring
Every day in the interactions and encounters

Discouraging appointments filled with sympathy
I am more than a body
No empathy
Sorry ma’am We can’t do anything
But I must do everything
And through all of this they say you’re so beautiful
Through the daily tears
Through the hair that went from blowing to gone with the wind
Beautiful
No more breasts that aspired to make me voluptuous
Beautiful
Dress clothes free
A minor touch of make-up
Beautiful
That is what they’d call me
So I asked my boyfriend one day when everything sent to me seemed to be crumbling or washed away by the tide
Why everyone thought I was so  beautiful now
He almost instinctively said that it was the determination to live
The passion to experience the ability to breathe once more
The fight to get better and become stronger every day
The optimism when the world tries to take it away and show you every reason to complain
Influencing you to give up
Redefining the conditioning we have received about beauty
Because it is something that grows within you and radiates
You are an inspiration reminding us to never give up
Emphasizing that the quality of life is one of the most valuable things in life
That it isn’t what happens to you that creates you
It is what you choose to become

They said I would not make it to see today

This morning I opened my eyes

Breathed the breath of life

And knew that there was a reason why

To be all that I can be
My full self
To not only be pretty in pink but to embrace my beauty

Our beauty

To express the spectrum inside of me

 

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas

All rights reserved.

Beloved

Beloved
He called me
All I wanted was to be loved
Be loved
Beloved
He loved me deeply
Freely
Fully
Unconditionally
He was a man
But I could not be what he needed though he believed in me
Said not to let fear of the unknown hinder me
Don’t close off to healing myself
Beloved
He showed me what it was like to Be loved
I wasn’t perfect
Constantly reminding him of my flaws
When all he reflected to me was beauty
We were an extraordinary couple
Too bad I was too caught up in what I was not to realize what we were
He called me beloved and I never understood it
Never really felt it
Before I left he told me to be love
I could be loved
I could accept love if I was love
If I let love in
If I found it in myself I could give love
He said he loved me
He said be love
You will be loved
Beloved

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

Undone

I can’t love you
I can’t love you because I hate who I have become
I love you
Means nothing when I’m here crying and you are here to comfort me
Hugging me with your words and actions
Accepting me as I am
While I’m blinded with lies and insecurity
That convince me you’re laughing within, calling me a weakling
You love me but I can’t feel it because pain makes me numb
And since I can’t see, i can’t perceive
I don’t see that he only loves me when he needs me
I burn, so I burn the world around me and I set myself ablaze
Yes I am numb
Numb to the pain
No I’m not dumb
I’m not dumb
Just hurt
Disrespect disrespect disrespect curved by a kiss the next day
Good sex the next week
Yes he loves me
Yes we’re happy
Happily dysfunctional as I breathe again to trick my mind to thinking its cleared
I forget that I burn
Until you come along because you’re happy.
You must be hiding something..
.. and with all the wrong he does, you must have done something wrong too, because I don’t hurt because of him.
It’s you
It’s you I hate because you remind me that I keep making the same mistake
I am not a victim
I am not crazy
I’m just hurt
In love
In pain
I burn
And my fire is lost so I am just an ember
I can’t love you
because until I burn out I’ll try to deny that it’s him
and that my fear is the reason that I HATE who I’ve become
I used to love you
But now I see you and
it’s all undone

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

Hoping That Someone Will See Me

inspired by a bus ride
watching some people stare at a man but say nothing
this piece is in the perspective of the man experiencing it

Hoping that someone will see me

Dressed in hot pink

Neon green

Purple and yellow

Hoping that someone will see me

Eyes shift

Heads turn

Eyes roll

Nose turns

Up

As I walk by

No words come from my mouth

Teeth sucked

As I sit down

Zebra print scarf

Hair comb clip from the eighties

Jean jacket

No words

Just looks

Just loud offended faces

Hoping someone will open their eyes instead of closing them

Head shaking

Put on everything in my drawers

Just hoping that someone would see me

Stares

Glares and whispers

Nothing new to me

Clip in hair designed for Barbie

fit so perfectly on me

“Crazy” is my name

Or at least that’s what they call me

Or maybe it’s “eww”

I seem to have forgotten

Maybe it’s “what the hell?”

Who gives a damn

I express myself the only way I know how

Words exchanged

Handed out freely

“Hi how ya doin?”

No one asks me

No smiles

Just dirty looks

Distance as they scoot further away

They think they can treat me any kind of way

Longing to just talk

Just feel again

I walk over next to them

Shocked

Nothing to say, I guess

Nothing new

Just about to speak

But someone looks at them

they feel ashamed.

So, sorry no greeting today

I wish they would learn not to color

Their glasses in with lies and judgement before they open their eyes

I wish they wouldn’t banish me from society before they see

So I proceed along

Best person they’d meet

Happy

Clean

Nice

Friendly

Long story

Yesterday on repeat

Day after day

Looking for someone

Different

Hoping that someone will see me

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

I’ll re-write this when I’m sober

I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober when my words have less truth
And reality speaks louder
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober
When hurt won’t flow through the pen ink
When I learn to cry my tears without laughing
Halfway pretending that I’m drunk so that no one knows that I’m trying to cheer myself up with things that aren’t really funny
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober and life makes less sense and I can finally somehow come to grips with it all
I’ll rewrite this when I’m not chasing any and everything to avoid confronting my fears, the truth, and refilling shot after shot glass trying to hit targets that shift and move
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober to shatter all that we had, all the emotion that we are..
Maybe wish upon a star that when I’m sober nightmares DON’T turn into dreams so I can finally get stronger
Strong enough to embrace acceptance and recreate my reality
I’ll rewrite life when I’m sober
But for now I’ll write this down so that my mind can semi rest
I’ll rewrite life when I’m sober
But for now I’ll put myself to the test

Poetry Blog switcheroo

Hi everyone, instead of my usual poetry blog I decided to share this great video that royallejelly has made for one of my signature poems the unmasking of a natural beauty.
Enjoy
Please share if you like it!
It’s also on soundcloud
https://soundcloud.com/#royalejelly/royalejelly-presents-unmasking

Poem for this month- untitled

My feelings are embedded in the inaudible notes
On replay
In the backdrop between your breath and mine
dancing between heartbeats
Dancing
In the spaces that our words played through to get to each other
Living in worlds only created in the silence of the mind
Union of body
Impression on the spirit
Mutual expression
Felt
Ever mingling
Ever enchanted
Creating a burning in our core
As the butterflies reappear like the sun and rainbows after a deadly storm
We are silent and sure
Our mouths speak no words
Our gestures
Our eyes
Our minds say more
Our feelings
reciprocation
Never more adored

Happy holidays

I think some of the best gifts are given unexpectedly not as a surprise not always planned
From the heart
Genuinely
Without wanting or expectation
Just in the moment
In connection
Without thought or much intention
Just heart
Inspired by an internal vibe
Lacking social conditionings
Not even to be moral or humane
Just maybe translating that
there is a gift in your presence that contributes something beautiful to their life

Thanks to all my followers and friends for all the support of my writing, thanks for the comments and likes
Happy holidays everyone!
Much love peace and joy