Be the miracle you wish to receive

 

Since I haven’t been sharing poetry lately, I just wanted to post something that caught my attention this evening here and on soundcloud. Enjoy.

Be the miracle you wish to receive

When the only thing left are only words that have been said before
Shattered feelings
Colors that run bleed and linger
What kind of person will I be
I guess I know why Frida painted
Sometimes only the lines colors and strokes understand
Sometimes there are no more words and you don’t wish to speak
Because words are too heavy
Too weighty
Not redeeming enough
The only thing forgiving enough is the tightly stretched canvas that gives
I’ve been here before on this floor
But I’ve never fallen this hard
The only thing that lifts me is the pen or brush
sometimes you are on the bus ride home from work thinking what type of existence is this?
To use me for such beauty then wring me so dry
At first with no tears left to cry just dull pain
I thought I could move on
I had it together didn’t I
Hell no
Damn
I didn’t
but now I am here just trying to become a better woman
Trying to move on
Become my own miracle
Was that realization supposed to make it easier?
When the only things left are words that have been said before
Shattered feelings
Colors that run bleed and linger
What kind of person will I be
I guess I know why Frida painted
Sometimes only the lines colors and strokes understand
Shattered feelings
Colors that run bleed and linger
What kind of person will I be
Something in the back of my mind says a miracle
To be the miracle I think I need
To be the miracle I wish to receive

 

Copyright© 2018 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

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We live! Claim your voice

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I will not apologize for being who I am in words, action or thought. I will not shrink, diminish, or minimize myself to make anyone comfortable & I will not adapt to foolishness as not to rustle feathers. It is not to say that I have not accommodated in the past or brushed off others crap; it is to say that the more that you do that, the easier it becomes to do.

When I thought of writing this blog, I was reminded of a situation a couple of weeks ago where someone tried to diminish my expression and defer my sense of being able to handle a situation. They were trying to rewrite my words upon me speaking them, because I don’t always communicate in a linear way. This person did not take time to adjust, see, or be present to what I was doing, but instead side coached my whole process. This was appropriate because I sound young, am a black woman, and also can stand the ability to not have a stick up my rump all the time, so I must just be chatting, must be off topic, lacking the ability to be deliberate, or connect with others, and follow rules at the same time. Right?

I recognized the undertone of a need to control what I was doing rather than be present to it and re-route later or them allowing themselves to trust my particular process, since everyone is their own person. (A bit of background: I was being coached on a specific technique and method of doing something, but I had not veered off course yet enough to be interrupted the disproportionate amount of times that I was). I am not writing this because I can’t take criticism, am being overly sensitive, or desiring to complain. My intention is to share that you do not have to let anyone make you feel inferior because they don’t understand you, don’t work the same, are trying to control you, or have insecurities.

When people are used to certain ways of expression and they think that everyone should conform to those ways, it’s disheartening because then you realize that there is such a desire within some people to control and curate others (especially women & people of color’s processes because they are not presented or expressed within a certain expected narrative, are not necessarily robotic, verbally edited to be syrupy sweet, chipper, surface, redirecting, curled at the ends, removed, or presented in a covering state that some Americans have grown to be used to expecting for others to carry as a one size fits all way to express themselves and means of accepting others.

I did not say that the instruction was helpful or nice because it wasn’t. I am not sure of the way that I put my words together anymore, but I made sure that they were not apologetic or acceptance seeking, because I knew that I was being mistreated and that the person needed to know that I knew it was not fair or amusing.

If this takes me out of certain places, those places were not for me. If it removes me from people, those were not my people. Meanwhile, the plan is that I’m going to womanifest the $#^t out of this abundant life that I’ve been given. If we live a life of plenty, we must stop believing in and exuding lack. With the lemons, make herbal tea, lemonade, lemon cake, lemon water, juice them, use them for a still life, give one away, hold one in gratitude, rub it on your skin for toner, make fire cider, liver tonic, flavor your food, or whatever you need to do, do that!

Life is too vast, rich, and precious to wallow in dissatisfaction and a downplayed self worth, lack of self respect, or a shaky self love. Breathe and walk in your purpose with all the beauty and love that you are. Some people expect you to cower in the face and expression of their fear. Show them that you are born of the most. Show yourself and them that you are encompassing, cohesive, non random, unimaginable energy just as their ego was, and that what you exude is stronger than ego because it’s rooted in innerstanding, purpose and self love.

 

An affirmation to move forward:

  • I have released anything that has served its purpose, and I blossom in the deliberate strength and purpose of my existence. I am divinely protected and attracting the bounty of life!

 

A poem Inspired by the incident:

Just because your eardrums have issues holding space for the tones vibrancy and resonant frequencies uttered through my vocal cords to translate and harmonize spirit doesn’t mean that I will allow my voice to crack break and exude a pitch that you find more pleasant.

My people are not just of the valley 

We have been here since before this realm was released

If you need to close your eyes as I walk by, do what you need to do as you await that I scurry by 

Realize I tend to move in ways akin to the dance of a baby enjoying the freedom of the womb 

I am here to disappoint your expectations and appoint myself to my highest position in frequency and physical ability 

Nurtured in sacred space

My movements are a dance to the hums of black existence 

What you may not be able to see through, is sharp, full, all encompassing..

We live this music

You close your eyes and hear it

Block your ears and see it

Can’t escape it so you wish to change it, but we flow with the change and easily adapt to furthering life

When you can’t see, all of the other senses step in to function more keenly.

We all have night vision.

That’s inner vision

Though some are afraid of the dark

You label us the minority

Though in actuality that’s primarily only a hope for you or even just a wish.

When you look at reality, oh my how the picture is vividly flipped

You are the minority among brown and Black faces indigenous 

We give you back your gods 

So that we may properly reflect and recreate our image 

We dissolve mourning our lives in your hands and have no desire to beg at your mercy

We have always created

Recreated

Remixed

Procreated

Covered

Uncovered 

Protected 

Nurtured

Somehow focus gets redirected from staring at screens and embracing dreams deferred

Redirecting

We celebrate the highs and lows of our lives breath voices skin tones and pieces of our glory in daily life stories because this is what makes us human and visible

Creates our identities 

We will not cower and mourn in the darkness because we are full enough to do so in the light

We work to re-image our brokenness to visions and plans of building instead.

Home

Who are we to be fragmented compartmentalized beings? We are the world

Since the beginning and through the endings as the sun rolls across the sky each day

To reveal a different aspect of life 

Of creation

We create

How dare we believe we must sacrifice ourselves to live

as we were born creations as gifts.

We give a home to life 

And live

We live.

Home

 

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Copyright© 2018 Narelle Thomas

All rights reserved.

 

 

“Allow me to re-introduce myself!…”

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I attended an event one of the last times I performed last year, it was a beautiful event with very gracious hosts, good people and a nice environment, but when I was introduced I was introduced as a spoken word artist with a special poem to share. I wasn’t well acquainted with the hostess very well because she was newer to what she was doing and in general I thought that I would have been introduced a little better than a talent show participant and more like the professional artist that I was/am. I was kind of disappointed.

Later I thought (because I didn’t go the extra mile to give myself a proper introduction following the poorer one) that it was my fault.

Let me explain..

In my opinion it is your responsibility first to represent yourself. No one will be a representative of you better than yourself. You must be your biggest hype-person, representative and cheerleader through words and action. You don’t have to be dramatic and overbearing, but it’s important to conduct yourself in a way that is indicative of who you are and what you’re about. They say “first impressions are everything” so it’s important to be authentic and show gratitude for what others give to you, but if someone is not representing your fullness (which only you can really do for yourself) it’s important to use the amount of time you have to really clarify what you see fit to bring to the light. If someone mispronounces your name, correctly and politely speak your name as it should be spoken because that is what others will call you. If you don’t embrace what makes you who you are then no one else can. Be confident in this because it’s necessary to be glad for who you are and what you’ve become up to this point. There is nothing wrong with sharing that. In the words of Jay-Z “allow me to re-introduce myself!..” If you don’t give yourself the proper credit, you can’t expect anyone else to, because most likely unless you have a bio that they’re reading from, or unless they follow what you’re doing, or are prepared for your performance, they won’t know and you can’t expect that your audience knows it all either. In the moment before you do anything, you are here for yourself.

I can say this because I’m on the quieter side and I’m not boastful or a diva so people probably could think that it’s okay to interact with me that way more easily or might be quicker to do so, but this post is not really about me. Sometimes I feel younger artists may deal with these types of situations too where some will underestimate you because you’re young, you look younger than your age by a great deal, or because older people may not really know how to celebrate younger artists besides by building on the fact that they’re “so young” (which is often a remarkable and celebration-worthy thing, but should not be built upon just the fact that they’re young and so they condescendingly get false praise but that’s another story).

It can also be interesting at local shows where some look at you a certain way for not being a huge artist yet. The thing I would say to that would be to keep going, because as you go, you grow! Know your amazing-ness! As you do more and more of what you love, you improve until you get to the places that you aspire to be. Everyone starts somewhere and most likely if you’re in a place to be able to share your work, there’s a reason that YOU were chosen. Reflect on that why and build with it. Whether you’re paid or not paid, being in front of a crowd (no matter the size) is an important moment of connection. It’s a beautiful opportunity to really touch others and pour your essence into your work. Introduce yourself properly and as my former director and amazing friend and inspiration Magdalena Gomez would say before shows, “Go out there to love them.” It’s not so much about them loving you. If you’re authentic, how can people not? To me it was very clear to always go out to set your intentions free. Your work is to deliver something to the people, and that is your highest form of representation, responsibility and reciprocity. Go and GIVE. This speaks even if you actually drop the ball and don’t introduce yourself as you’d like or need to, or you let someone else do it and don’t add to it re- introduce yourself. Whatever you give, you will get back in return and guess what? You’ll meet those people face to face and you can expand from there.

You may have one shot on stage to “get it right” but life is so forgiving, that when you go with your spirit and do what you feel strongest, it all works out in the end as it did for me. I wrote this because I felt unsettled a bit from that experience and wanted to share something that I learned in the process and expand upon it to include a couple other things, but my main lesson was self-representation. You can’t rely on or expect for anyone else to do your work for you. And guess what? you win some, you learn from some, and you make it out great because when you don’t feel strong in your work, it’s a place to build from. It’s a point to strengthen and reinforce. Reinforce your intention, stay focused in your purpose and see your actualization play out and then continue until what you envisioned is closer and closer. Write it, say it, believe it, see it, and know it. Go out to set your intentions free. Let them grow what you wish to receive.

Thanks for reading & Much Love to you and yours

~Narelle

 

Copyright© 2018 Narelle Thomas

All rights reserved.

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Show Me Who You Are

This piece is called Show me who you are.

This is very different because my self-portraits are usually called something like portrait of self…blah blah blah, but this time as I was adding the finishing touches I was painting to a song with that title by Jesse Boykins III.

You are probably wondering how I got the idea for this painting or what made me want to make a self-portrait.

Well..

At the beginning of the month I thought it woud be cool to make a piece of art and a poem for Women’s Herstory Month. I didn’t force it so a little later in the month this is what happened:

It all started when I was dancing around inside the house one day, then I started picturing some choreography in my head and later saw a still image of a woman dancing and I said “hum..maybe I can replicate that and make it into a painting.”  I had my younger sister take a picture of me while I tried to stay in the pose that I envisioned. Finally found a picture I liked and started drawing the figure. I also felt the feeling of the piece and how happy the woman was. I vaguely knew what I wanted the woman to look like but it was fine.

As I began to paint, I realized I liked the way I looked in the picture so I said “Hey, why not just continue with it?!” So I did. About 85% of the time that I painted I was listening to “Amen Awoman” (Also by Jesse Boykiins III) I love that song now..something about it just connected with me the whole time.

I thought of what I liked in myself, a little of what I value as a woman and let go with it..I feel like painting to certain music really takes me somewhere different with the work and adds dimensions to what I feel in the crative process..I really had fun and tried some different things & ultimately let the piece re-develop itself from my image and visions for it. Always open to receiving what you see in it..I actually will be working on another self-portrait sometime soon. I have ideas..they’ll soon come together further.

I said I haaaaad to finish this piece before the end of the month and so..Here it is!

Although I do believe we should honor and celebrate women every day of the year. Here’s a contribution..the poem I will most likely be sharing on soundcloud at a later date. 

Big thanks to two amazing artists that I have the privilege of having so close in vicinity and heart, my Mom and sister Aaliyah for sharing advice/critiques on this picture while I was in the process of fine tuning it..

Please let me know what you think.I welcome all feedback

Much love

Narelle~Image Ankh Khepera

Reflections of the 20th year, Becoming..21

A poem in gratitude of my 20 yrs

I wrote this a couple weeks before my 21st birthday/solar return/earthstrong/new year

I just wanted to share this piece, in reflection and in thanks for life

I meant to post this yesterday

thought to share it anyhow, despite the lateness

 

Thank you for who I am

Thank you for who I have become

Thank you for everything I have gone through in life

The good and the bad

Or the things that seemed to be of either

Because every piece of those circumstances has brought me new or highlighted wisdom

To help me go through what I am today

With a victorious mind and spirit

In  the receptivity of my mind and acceptance in my heart makes things matter of fact

Thank you for the parents I have

The families I come from for sharing their talents with me

Thank you for everything they’ve done and are still doing for me

Thank you for what they have taught me knowingly and unknowingly

Even if we have problems we are still connected and are reinforcement

We can make it together as long as we love ourselves

Thank you for those who treat me like family in the knowledge of our oneness as transcendental temporary earth beings

Thank you for allowing such genuine people into my life

Thank you for my king

Thank you for us being able to live harmoniously and complimentary

Thank you

For the affirmation

Thank you for the truth because without it I would have been on a path that is not my own

Trying to give fully what I only had on loan

Lost

Not able to find home because I had equated loneliness with being alone

Deficient because I made it so

Because when you worry it will only come back 100 fold

Universal law says

Whoever has gratitude will be given more;  and he or she will have an abundance

Whoever does not have gratitude even what he  or she has will be taken from him or her

Thank you for the visionary in me

To be able to see that trying to create a picture in someone’s eyes that isn’t a reflection of reality is wrong and will only come back to bite me

See you can’t try to convince someone that things are one way when they really are another and not think that everything will hide once the light of truth shines

The truth does not discriminate

It only illuminates what life can be once you accept things as they presently are

If you build from a fake portrait of reality, you wonder why later you get played like a dummy

Fakeness only fits more fakeness

Like blocks of a tower you have to build what you want to have the greater power

If you build with hate anger embarrassment or fear you will take away from the good at present

and will end up hurt even more

Just be firm in the truth

Don’t be scared of what others will think of you

Because  sooner rather than later, they will find out anyway

Remember truth does not discriminate

Build on self-respect

Stand in your truth

Others will respect you for it

Know that what keeps you up is worthy of reinforcement

If you build your life to look a certain way, it will all crumble

if you choose to build with what’s fake, you will see that you were the only one fooled in thinking you were building to begin with

Be accepting or let it go

Thank you for helping me to see that I don’t know everything

However, it is quite contrary

I have a lot to learn and am eager

I’m excited

Thank you for this 21st year in counting

Thank you for all that I have learned

Help me to be able to teach what I receive and learn more as I am blossoming

Becoming, growing, and thriving

Thank you for helping me to see myself as I am and who I choose to become

I can only work with what is naturally inside of me

I am just a chemist in this field of biology

In reflection I have found, there is a serious problem if people can’t look in the mirror and say I am beautiful

I am happy

I am victorious

I am thriving

I am becoming the best I can be

Mean every word and not be considered arrogant, conceited, or boastful

Without someone telling us first or us asking permission to say so, apologizing, or being ashamed for being so bold

Let me be a living testament to break the walls of insecurity and share that you are not wrong for loving yourself

And being comfortable in who you are and in line with yourself

We are here to pave the way for others

We are here to fulfill our destinies

Become the highest wo/manifestations of our vibrancy

We are supposed to be the best of ourselves for the betterment of humanity

Stand for truth, not shy away

We are supposed to live this life in love.. every second, minute, and hour of every day

and know that the step you take now is just the first of a beautiful journey

Give thanks

Everything is all right all the time

It’s part of the divine plan..no matter how difficult

We are learning what we need to know to make us stronger

I’ve learned that I am a diamond

I’ve had to go through pressure to become one

I am a pearl

I had to be a grain of sand

Many grains of sand

I am a butterfly

I had to be a caterpillar for a long time

I had to be in a cocoon

A chrysalis

I had to go through many states

I am always transforming

Narelle Ankh Khepera

This is a journey of life

In life, I am

becoming

Thank you

Copyright© 2014 Narelle Thomas

All rights reserved.

In due time

In Due Time

You have to be thankful before you receive
As our ancient ancestors of the Nile valley did
Before the Hapi (Nile) flooded each year
They had a celebration

You have to see that in life, everything comes
In due time

In this moment, there is opportunity
There is more than what we can see
The best is closer than it appears to be

In this winter Spring decides to procrastinate on making her appearance
Because she’s been dropping jewels EVERY DAY just hoping that we find value in one..
in each
But she continues on..just waiting

We have become used to the cold
Have adapted to this climate
Bought things to accommodate it

Desolate
Still
Cold
Somber
Gray and Blue
Steel
Titanium

Adapting to and eventually becoming our environments
Unconscious Workings becoming Habits
Becoming rigid as the shards of ice developing on buildings
Trudging in and out of spaces to get to places we “need” to be in
Completely missing that everything is not fading
Forgetting that some things die for others to live
But nothing truly dies
Just transitions back to form again

Everything will happen when it’s due
Children do not come before their time
Before they’re ready to
Women become mothers when their children are due
You cannot rush the art of creation or the creation of art
of Life
It is a process
The leaves are brittle
Branches may break in the wind
It will be below zero
But this green speaks to me
It says nothing is by accident
Nothing is random or incomplete
There is a need and in turn a space to be filled
Two cannot occupy the same space at the same time
There are two in one polarity
Opposites
Complimenting each other
This is why when one shifts, another moves
To keep the order

The Green speaks of what it has seen
And this came in due time
It is a time of death and stillness- on the surface
But the wind still blows…
Things still go on and maintain
They are growing
And green
And beautiful

In the ice and freezing rain
There is so much surrounding it

In life you will be put into situations to show you how strong you can be
To show that through trying times you can make it
You will not be given more than you can handle
Even when you think you can’t
You just have to know that you can
You will get through and overcome
In due time- When you decide to
When the time is due

I listened and began to know that
When it’s right
We will be victorious in positions only known for failure
We will be the ones that will have the strength and courage to share oustrie and support with others also going through
With others in need
And we will help reinforce them when their legs are shaking
Their feet are planted
With their legs shaking
Thinking they can lift them
You just have to know

Yes they can
Because we have
Because we can
Because we are here for a reason

Living
Breathing
Stories
We have become
In due time

Due time is a time of full fruition like the full moon is of full eression
A time of culmination of the harvest fruits
It’s a celebratory time
It’s a time of reflection where you see just what you have been manifesting/ womanifesting
What you have been nurturing blooms all the way
Lifes events happen back to back to back to back
Following from times where they appeared to be in a standstill
In the stillness learn and prepare
Listen and appreciate
What is happening beneath is what surfaces later on
Sun Tzu said “He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight”

We must accept the natural order
Not FIGHT it
We must accept this climate but not BECOME it
Let it BUILD us
Know that what is within us will show up outside soon
The WARMTH
The BLOOM
The HEALING
The REBIRTH
We cannot throw out everything because one piece is struggling
We must nurture it
And we will soon witness it bloom!
In due time
When the time is due

Copyright© 2014 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

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Beautiful- A tribute to breast cancer survivors

Hi everyone,

Just a bit of background:

I wrote this piece because I was asked to perform a piece for A Breast Cancer Survivors Ball. I was very shocked at this invitation and deeply touched because I have never been through this or been around anyone closely enough to even share personal experiences, but was trusted for such an offering. I wouldn’t be able to make it so I recorded this piece and decided to share it on my site and soundcloud. The event (Pretty In Pink) was held by Gardner’s House which is an organization that helps people with Cancer to get necessities and support that they need despite circumstances. The founder is a breast cancer survivor herself. I find her story very inspiring. She is a beautiful person and full of strength. As I explored more and more stories on breast cancer survivors and their families, this is what came to me. Find out more about the dynamic and excellent work of Gardners House here: http://www.gardnershouse.org

 

Beautiful

 

They said I would not make it to see today

This morning I opened my eyes

Breathed the breath of life

And knew that there was a reason why

I give thanks

I cannot stop

 I have to try

There is a reason why

When adversity comes we must learn how to ascend

We must teach ourselves to fly

Pink is symbolic of my struggle

of my climb

of how far we have come

and that we can still have fun

It keeps me inspired to do more because there is more to come

It reminds me I have and must continue to do more than just survive

To enhance the quality of life

To be beautiful and bold enough to take the masked faces off of our fears

Embrace the tears from many nights of remembrance and dealing

 

The days to this point have not been easy

Many nights I cried myself to sleep

Heaving oxygen wondering why all of this now?

To me?

Cancer did not make me who I am, but on this journey I refused to let it break me

The reality hit when they said I have numbered days to live

That was the hardest part of the day but in acceptance of what may come I found truth

Death begins in the mind and I have more work to do

Sometimes the ugliest things in life show us the true beauty within

It breaks us down to show us what created the bonds in our foundation

 

It took me so long to see

I had been blind

Keeping up with appearances and holding onto unnecessary things

They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but what does that mean when your eyes are not seeing reality

If there is no room to see what can be

 

They said I would not make it to see today

This morning I opened my eyes

Breathed the breath of life

And knew that there was a reason why

Every night I will shine with the stars

Shine the light on visions of sunrise

Every day I will rise with the sun

Warm and brilliant

Blossoming as the flowers do

Growing through adversity

Triumphant

Spreading my wings and soaring like the birds do

Coming out of my cocoon

I am no longer in hiding or ashamed

Or to be pitied

I am a reflection of possibility

A beauty

In rare form

No longer feeling like a victim

I am a victorious woman

And I still dream

Finding blessings in each piece of every day

A kind word

A loving hug

A smile so warm

The calm of the rain

The force of the storm

The rainbow after

 

Fall came around and my hair was falling as much as the green from the trees

Preparing for the coldest winter
Waiting for the warmth of spring
Every day in the interactions and encounters

Discouraging appointments filled with sympathy
I am more than a body
No empathy
Sorry ma’am We can’t do anything
But I must do everything
And through all of this they say you’re so beautiful
Through the daily tears
Through the hair that went from blowing to gone with the wind
Beautiful
No more breasts that aspired to make me voluptuous
Beautiful
Dress clothes free
A minor touch of make-up
Beautiful
That is what they’d call me
So I asked my boyfriend one day when everything sent to me seemed to be crumbling or washed away by the tide
Why everyone thought I was so  beautiful now
He almost instinctively said that it was the determination to live
The passion to experience the ability to breathe once more
The fight to get better and become stronger every day
The optimism when the world tries to take it away and show you every reason to complain
Influencing you to give up
Redefining the conditioning we have received about beauty
Because it is something that grows within you and radiates
You are an inspiration reminding us to never give up
Emphasizing that the quality of life is one of the most valuable things in life
That it isn’t what happens to you that creates you
It is what you choose to become

They said I would not make it to see today

This morning I opened my eyes

Breathed the breath of life

And knew that there was a reason why

To be all that I can be
My full self
To not only be pretty in pink but to embrace my beauty

Our beauty

To express the spectrum inside of me

 

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas

All rights reserved.

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