“Allow me to re-introduce myself!…”

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I attended an event one of the last times I performed last year, it was a beautiful event with very gracious hosts, good people and a nice environment, but when I was introduced I was introduced as a spoken word artist with a special poem to share. I wasn’t well acquainted with the hostess very well because she was newer to what she was doing and in general I thought that I would have been introduced a little better than a talent show participant and more like the professional artist that I was/am. I was kind of disappointed.

Later I thought (because I didn’t go the extra mile to give myself a proper introduction following the poorer one) that it was my fault.

Let me explain..

In my opinion it is your responsibility first to represent yourself. No one will be a representative of you better than yourself. You must be your biggest hype-person, representative and cheerleader through words and action. You don’t have to be dramatic and overbearing, but it’s important to conduct yourself in a way that is indicative of who you are and what you’re about. They say “first impressions are everything” so it’s important to be authentic and show gratitude for what others give to you, but if someone is not representing your fullness (which only you can really do for yourself) it’s important to use the amount of time you have to really clarify what you see fit to bring to the light. If someone mispronounces your name, correctly and politely speak your name as it should be spoken because that is what others will call you. If you don’t embrace what makes you who you are then no one else can. Be confident in this because it’s necessary to be glad for who you are and what you’ve become up to this point. There is nothing wrong with sharing that. In the words of Jay-Z “allow me to re-introduce myself!..” If you don’t give yourself the proper credit, you can’t expect anyone else to, because most likely unless you have a bio that they’re reading from, or unless they follow what you’re doing, or are prepared for your performance, they won’t know and you can’t expect that your audience knows it all either. In the moment before you do anything, you are here for yourself.

I can say this because I’m on the quieter side and I’m not boastful or a diva so people probably could think that it’s okay to interact with me that way more easily or might be quicker to do so, but this post is not really about me. Sometimes I feel younger artists may deal with these types of situations too where some will underestimate you because you’re young, you look younger than your age by a great deal, or because older people may not really know how to celebrate younger artists besides by building on the fact that they’re “so young” (which is often a remarkable and celebration-worthy thing, but should not be built upon just the fact that they’re young and so they condescendingly get false praise but that’s another story).

It can also be interesting at local shows where some look at you a certain way for not being a huge artist yet. The thing I would say to that would be to keep going, because as you go, you grow! Know your amazing-ness! As you do more and more of what you love, you improve until you get to the places that you aspire to be. Everyone starts somewhere and most likely if you’re in a place to be able to share your work, there’s a reason that YOU were chosen. Reflect on that why and build with it. Whether you’re paid or not paid, being in front of a crowd (no matter the size) is an important moment of connection. It’s a beautiful opportunity to really touch others and pour your essence into your work. Introduce yourself properly and as my former director and amazing friend and inspiration Magdalena Gomez would say before shows, “Go out there to love them.” It’s not so much about them loving you. If you’re authentic, how can people not? To me it was very clear to always go out to set your intentions free. Your work is to deliver something to the people, and that is your highest form of representation, responsibility and reciprocity. Go and GIVE. This speaks even if you actually drop the ball and don’t introduce yourself as you’d like or need to, or you let someone else do it and don’t add to it re- introduce yourself. Whatever you give, you will get back in return and guess what? You’ll meet those people face to face and you can expand from there.

You may have one shot on stage to “get it right” but life is so forgiving, that when you go with your spirit and do what you feel strongest, it all works out in the end as it did for me. I wrote this because I felt unsettled a bit from that experience and wanted to share something that I learned in the process and expand upon it to include a couple other things, but my main lesson was self-representation. You can’t rely on or expect for anyone else to do your work for you. And guess what? you win some, you learn from some, and you make it out great because when you don’t feel strong in your work, it’s a place to build from. It’s a point to strengthen and reinforce. Reinforce your intention, stay focused in your purpose and see your actualization play out and then continue until what you envisioned is closer and closer. Write it, say it, believe it, see it, and know it. Go out to set your intentions free. Let them grow what you wish to receive.

Thanks for reading & Much Love to you and yours

~Narelle

 

Copyright© 2018 Narelle Thomas

All rights reserved.

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Beloved

Beloved
He called me
All I wanted was to be loved
Be loved
Beloved
He loved me deeply
Freely
Fully
Unconditionally
He was a man
But I could not be what he needed though he believed in me
Said not to let fear of the unknown hinder me
Don’t close off to healing myself
Beloved
He showed me what it was like to Be loved
I wasn’t perfect
Constantly reminding him of my flaws
When all he reflected to me was beauty
We were an extraordinary couple
Too bad I was too caught up in what I was not to realize what we were
He called me beloved and I never understood it
Never really felt it
Before I left he told me to be love
I could be loved
I could accept love if I was love
If I let love in
If I found it in myself I could give love
He said he loved me
He said be love
You will be loved
Beloved

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

Undone

I can’t love you
I can’t love you because I hate who I have become
I love you
Means nothing when I’m here crying and you are here to comfort me
Hugging me with your words and actions
Accepting me as I am
While I’m blinded with lies and insecurity
That convince me you’re laughing within, calling me a weakling
You love me but I can’t feel it because pain makes me numb
And since I can’t see, i can’t perceive
I don’t see that he only loves me when he needs me
I burn, so I burn the world around me and I set myself ablaze
Yes I am numb
Numb to the pain
No I’m not dumb
I’m not dumb
Just hurt
Disrespect disrespect disrespect curved by a kiss the next day
Good sex the next week
Yes he loves me
Yes we’re happy
Happily dysfunctional as I breathe again to trick my mind to thinking its cleared
I forget that I burn
Until you come along because you’re happy.
You must be hiding something..
.. and with all the wrong he does, you must have done something wrong too, because I don’t hurt because of him.
It’s you
It’s you I hate because you remind me that I keep making the same mistake
I am not a victim
I am not crazy
I’m just hurt
In love
In pain
I burn
And my fire is lost so I am just an ember
I can’t love you
because until I burn out I’ll try to deny that it’s him
and that my fear is the reason that I HATE who I’ve become
I used to love you
But now I see you and
it’s all undone

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

I’ll re-write this when I’m sober

I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober when my words have less truth
And reality speaks louder
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober
When hurt won’t flow through the pen ink
When I learn to cry my tears without laughing
Halfway pretending that I’m drunk so that no one knows that I’m trying to cheer myself up with things that aren’t really funny
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober and life makes less sense and I can finally somehow come to grips with it all
I’ll rewrite this when I’m not chasing any and everything to avoid confronting my fears, the truth, and refilling shot after shot glass trying to hit targets that shift and move
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober to shatter all that we had, all the emotion that we are..
Maybe wish upon a star that when I’m sober nightmares DON’T turn into dreams so I can finally get stronger
Strong enough to embrace acceptance and recreate my reality
I’ll rewrite life when I’m sober
But for now I’ll write this down so that my mind can semi rest
I’ll rewrite life when I’m sober
But for now I’ll put myself to the test

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