Reflections of the 20th year, Becoming..21

A poem in gratitude of my 20 yrs

I wrote this a couple weeks before my 21st birthday/solar return/earthstrong/new year

I just wanted to share this piece, in reflection and in thanks for life

I meant to post this yesterday

thought to share it anyhow, despite the lateness

 

Thank you for who I am

Thank you for who I have become

Thank you for everything I have gone through in life

The good and the bad

Or the things that seemed to be of either

Because every piece of those circumstances has brought me new or highlighted wisdom

To help me go through what I am today

With a victorious mind and spirit

In  the receptivity of my mind and acceptance in my heart makes things matter of fact

Thank you for the parents I have

The families I come from for sharing their talents with me

Thank you for everything they’ve done and are still doing for me

Thank you for what they have taught me knowingly and unknowingly

Even if we have problems we are still connected and are reinforcement

We can make it together as long as we love ourselves

Thank you for those who treat me like family in the knowledge of our oneness as transcendental temporary earth beings

Thank you for allowing such genuine people into my life

Thank you for my king

Thank you for us being able to live harmoniously and complimentary

Thank you

For the affirmation

Thank you for the truth because without it I would have been on a path that is not my own

Trying to give fully what I only had on loan

Lost

Not able to find home because I had equated loneliness with being alone

Deficient because I made it so

Because when you worry it will only come back 100 fold

Universal law says

Whoever has gratitude will be given more;  and he or she will have an abundance

Whoever does not have gratitude even what he  or she has will be taken from him or her

Thank you for the visionary in me

To be able to see that trying to create a picture in someone’s eyes that isn’t a reflection of reality is wrong and will only come back to bite me

See you can’t try to convince someone that things are one way when they really are another and not think that everything will hide once the light of truth shines

The truth does not discriminate

It only illuminates what life can be once you accept things as they presently are

If you build from a fake portrait of reality, you wonder why later you get played like a dummy

Fakeness only fits more fakeness

Like blocks of a tower you have to build what you want to have the greater power

If you build with hate anger embarrassment or fear you will take away from the good at present

and will end up hurt even more

Just be firm in the truth

Don’t be scared of what others will think of you

Because  sooner rather than later, they will find out anyway

Remember truth does not discriminate

Build on self-respect

Stand in your truth

Others will respect you for it

Know that what keeps you up is worthy of reinforcement

If you build your life to look a certain way, it will all crumble

if you choose to build with what’s fake, you will see that you were the only one fooled in thinking you were building to begin with

Be accepting or let it go

Thank you for helping me to see that I don’t know everything

However, it is quite contrary

I have a lot to learn and am eager

I’m excited

Thank you for this 21^st year in counting

Thank you for all that I have learned

Help me to be able to teach what I receive and learn more as I am blossoming

Becoming, growing, and thriving

Thank you for helping me to see myself as I am and who I choose to become

I can only work with what is naturally inside of me

I am just a chemist in this field of biology

In reflection I have found, there is a serious problem if people can’t look in the mirror and say I am beautiful

I am happy

I am victorious

I am thriving

I am becoming the best I can be

Mean every word and not be considered arrogant, conceited, or boastful

Without someone telling us first or us asking permission to say so, apologizing, or being ashamed for being so bold

Let me be a living testament to break the walls of insecurity and share that you are not wrong for loving yourself

And being comfortable in who you are and in line with yourself

We are here to pave the way for others

We are here to fulfill our destinies

Become the highest wo/manifestations of our vibrancy

We are supposed to be the best of ourselves for the betterment of humanity

Stand for truth, not shy away

We are supposed to live this life in love.. every second, minute, and hour of every day

and know that the step you take now is just the first of a beautiful journey

Give thanks

Everything is all right all the time

It’s part of the divine plan..no matter how difficult

We are learning what we need to know to make us stronger

I’ve learned that I am a diamond

I’ve had to go through pressure to become one

I am a pearl

I had to be a grain of sand

Many grains of sand

I am a butterfly

I had to be a caterpillar for a long time

I had to be in a cocoon

A chrysalis

I had to go through many states

I am always transforming

Narelle Ankh Khepera

This is a journey of life

In life, I am

becoming

Thank you

Copyright© 2014 Narelle Thomas

All rights reserved.

In due time

In Due Time

You have to be thankful before you receive
As our ancient ancestors of the Nile valley did
Before the Hapi (Nile) flooded each year
They had a celebration

You have to see that in life, everything comes
In due time

In this moment, there is opportunity
There is more than what we can see
The best is closer than it appears to be

In this winter Spring decides to procrastinate on making her appearance
Because she’s been dropping jewels EVERY DAY just hoping that we find value in one..
in each
But she continues on..just waiting

We have become used to the cold
Have adapted to this climate
Bought things to accommodate it

Desolate
Still
Cold
Somber
Gray and Blue
Steel
Titanium

Adapting to and eventually becoming our environments
Unconscious Workings becoming Habits
Becoming rigid as the shards of ice developing on buildings
Trudging in and out of spaces to get to places we “need” to be in
Completely missing that everything is not fading
Forgetting that some things die for others to live
But nothing truly dies
Just transitions back to form again

Everything will happen when it’s due
Children do not come before their time
Before they’re ready to
Women become mothers when their children are due
You cannot rush the art of creation or the creation of art
of Life
It is a process
The leaves are brittle
Branches may break in the wind
It will be below zero
But this green speaks to me
It says nothing is by accident
Nothing is random or incomplete
There is a need and in turn a space to be filled
Two cannot occupy the same space at the same time
There are two in one polarity
Opposites
Complimenting each other
This is why when one shifts, another moves
To keep the order

The Green speaks of what it has seen
And this came in due time
It is a time of death and stillness- on the surface
But the wind still blows…
Things still go on and maintain
They are growing
And green
And beautiful

In the ice and freezing rain
There is so much surrounding it

In life you will be put into situations to show you how strong you can be
To show that through trying times you can make it
You will not be given more than you can handle
Even when you think you can’t
You just have to know that you can
You will get through and overcome
In due time- When you decide to
When the time is due

I listened and began to know that
When it’s right
We will be victorious in positions only known for failure
We will be the ones that will have the strength and courage to share oustrie and support with others also going through
With others in need
And we will help reinforce them when their legs are shaking
Their feet are planted
With their legs shaking
Thinking they can lift them
You just have to know

Yes they can
Because we have
Because we can
Because we are here for a reason

Living
Breathing
Stories
We have become
In due time

Due time is a time of full fruition like the full moon is of full eression
A time of culmination of the harvest fruits
It’s a celebratory time
It’s a time of reflection where you see just what you have been manifesting/ womanifesting
What you have been nurturing blooms all the way
Lifes events happen back to back to back to back
Following from times where they appeared to be in a standstill
In the stillness learn and prepare
Listen and appreciate
What is happening beneath is what surfaces later on
Sun Tzu said “He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight”

We must accept the natural order
Not FIGHT it
We must accept this climate but not BECOME it
Let it BUILD us
Know that what is within us will show up outside soon
The WARMTH
The BLOOM
The HEALING
The REBIRTH
We cannot throw out everything because one piece is struggling
We must nurture it
And we will soon witness it bloom!
In due time
When the time is due

Copyright© 2014 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

Beautiful- A tribute to breast cancer survivors

Hi everyone,

Just a bit of background:

I wrote this piece because I was asked to perform a piece for A Breast Cancer Survivors Ball. I was very shocked at this invitation and deeply touched because I have never been through this or been around anyone closely enough to even share personal experiences, but was trusted for such an offering. I wouldn’t be able to make it so I recorded this piece and decided to share it on my site and soundcloud. The event (Pretty In Pink) was held by Gardner’s House which is an organization that helps people with Cancer to get necessities and support that they need despite circumstances. The founder is a breast cancer survivor herself. I find her story very inspiring. She is a beautiful person and full of strength. As I explored more and more stories on breast cancer survivors and their families, this is what came to me. Find out more about the dynamic and excellent work of Gardners House here: http://www.gardnershouse.org

 

Beautiful

 

They said I would not make it to see today

This morning I opened my eyes

Breathed the breath of life

And knew that there was a reason why

I give thanks

I cannot stop

 I have to try

There is a reason why

When adversity comes we must learn how to ascend

We must teach ourselves to fly

Pink is symbolic of my struggle

of my climb

of how far we have come

and that we can still have fun

It keeps me inspired to do more because there is more to come

It reminds me I have and must continue to do more than just survive

To enhance the quality of life

To be beautiful and bold enough to take the masked faces off of our fears

Embrace the tears from many nights of remembrance and dealing

 

The days to this point have not been easy

Many nights I cried myself to sleep

Heaving oxygen wondering why all of this now?

To me?

Cancer did not make me who I am, but on this journey I refused to let it break me

The reality hit when they said I have numbered days to live

That was the hardest part of the day but in acceptance of what may come I found truth

Death begins in the mind and I have more work to do

Sometimes the ugliest things in life show us the true beauty within

It breaks us down to show us what created the bonds in our foundation

 

It took me so long to see

I had been blind

Keeping up with appearances and holding onto unnecessary things

They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but what does that mean when your eyes are not seeing reality

If there is no room to see what can be

 

They said I would not make it to see today

This morning I opened my eyes

Breathed the breath of life

And knew that there was a reason why

Every night I will shine with the stars

Shine the light on visions of sunrise

Every day I will rise with the sun

Warm and brilliant

Blossoming as the flowers do

Growing through adversity

Triumphant

Spreading my wings and soaring like the birds do

Coming out of my cocoon

I am no longer in hiding or ashamed

Or to be pitied

I am a reflection of possibility

A beauty

In rare form

No longer feeling like a victim

I am a victorious woman

And I still dream

Finding blessings in each piece of every day

A kind word

A loving hug

A smile so warm

The calm of the rain

The force of the storm

The rainbow after

 

Fall came around and my hair was falling as much as the green from the trees

Preparing for the coldest winter
Waiting for the warmth of spring
Every day in the interactions and encounters

Discouraging appointments filled with sympathy
I am more than a body
No empathy
Sorry ma’am We can’t do anything
But I must do everything
And through all of this they say you’re so beautiful
Through the daily tears
Through the hair that went from blowing to gone with the wind
Beautiful
No more breasts that aspired to make me voluptuous
Beautiful
Dress clothes free
A minor touch of make-up
Beautiful
That is what they’d call me
So I asked my boyfriend one day when everything sent to me seemed to be crumbling or washed away by the tide
Why everyone thought I was so  beautiful now
He almost instinctively said that it was the determination to live
The passion to experience the ability to breathe once more
The fight to get better and become stronger every day
The optimism when the world tries to take it away and show you every reason to complain
Influencing you to give up
Redefining the conditioning we have received about beauty
Because it is something that grows within you and radiates
You are an inspiration reminding us to never give up
Emphasizing that the quality of life is one of the most valuable things in life
That it isn’t what happens to you that creates you
It is what you choose to become

They said I would not make it to see today

This morning I opened my eyes

Breathed the breath of life

And knew that there was a reason why

To be all that I can be
My full self
To not only be pretty in pink but to embrace my beauty

Our beauty

To express the spectrum inside of me

 

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas

All rights reserved.

Beloved

Beloved
He called me
All I wanted was to be loved
Be loved
Beloved
He loved me deeply
Freely
Fully
Unconditionally
He was a man
But I could not be what he needed though he believed in me
Said not to let fear of the unknown hinder me
Don’t close off to healing myself
Beloved
He showed me what it was like to Be loved
I wasn’t perfect
Constantly reminding him of my flaws
When all he reflected to me was beauty
We were an extraordinary couple
Too bad I was too caught up in what I was not to realize what we were
He called me beloved and I never understood it
Never really felt it
Before I left he told me to be love
I could be loved
I could accept love if I was love
If I let love in
If I found it in myself I could give love
He said he loved me
He said be love
You will be loved
Beloved

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

Undone

I can’t love you
I can’t love you because I hate who I have become
I love you
Means nothing when I’m here crying and you are here to comfort me
Hugging me with your words and actions
Accepting me as I am
While I’m blinded with lies and insecurity
That convince me you’re laughing within, calling me a weakling
You love me but I can’t feel it because pain makes me numb
And since I can’t see, i can’t perceive
I don’t see that he only loves me when he needs me
I burn, so I burn the world around me and I set myself ablaze
Yes I am numb
Numb to the pain
No I’m not dumb
I’m not dumb
Just hurt
Disrespect disrespect disrespect curved by a kiss the next day
Good sex the next week
Yes he loves me
Yes we’re happy
Happily dysfunctional as I breathe again to trick my mind to thinking its cleared
I forget that I burn
Until you come along because you’re happy.
You must be hiding something..
.. and with all the wrong he does, you must have done something wrong too, because I don’t hurt because of him.
It’s you
It’s you I hate because you remind me that I keep making the same mistake
I am not a victim
I am not crazy
I’m just hurt
In love
In pain
I burn
And my fire is lost so I am just an ember
I can’t love you
because until I burn out I’ll try to deny that it’s him
and that my fear is the reason that I HATE who I’ve become
I used to love you
But now I see you and
it’s all undone

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

Engaging

On engaging
This is a short writing on a few thoughts that I had on engaging with other people. I just wanted to share them on my blog this month. Get people kinda ready for the ongoings of next month haha
maybe avoid some drama or just to keep in the back of your mind

*When trying to interact with someone…

When you are talking to someone you aren’t interested in talking to..
-try talking about something different that you haven’t really spoken of before
-try talking to them about something they like
-watch their responses to what you do and say and then pace your conversation/ interaction accordingly. Find out what makes them excited. Ask about whatever they express love towards what they respond to strongly, or bring up something new that you’ve never talked about
-Talk about something you like because sometimes people just like to listen, maybe take their focus off of their own lives

To truly engage, you have to learn how to listen actively.
This means no prequalifying, no judging, no assuming

Want to engage yourself in your tasks? For school?
Try listening to something you like while you do your work

Do your work and take planned breaks in between to work on something else
-Another way is to make a goal
For example, if the task is reading, dedicate yourself to reading up to a certain point each time
ex: reading in intervals of ten or so
or if it’s online try reading only what’s on the screen without paying attention to anything else until you finish that page

-Write something related to what you read that you thought was interesting or about a similar situation that connects to your life in the reading
-take notes on your reading

You can learn a lot through actively listening, reading/ engaging

Just wanted to share a couple things. Please share your feedback and/or experiences. Especially if you try some of these things.
I have more detailed writings in my upcoming chapbook so stay tuned!
Peace, Love, Possibility
Narelle~Ankh Khepera

Poem for this month- untitled

My feelings are embedded in the inaudible notes
On replay
In the backdrop between your breath and mine
dancing between heartbeats
Dancing
In the spaces that our words played through to get to each other
Living in worlds only created in the silence of the mind
Union of body
Impression on the spirit
Mutual expression
Felt
Ever mingling
Ever enchanted
Creating a burning in our core
As the butterflies reappear like the sun and rainbows after a deadly storm
We are silent and sure
Our mouths speak no words
Our gestures
Our eyes
Our minds say more
Our feelings
reciprocation
Never more adored

Give a little

Hi everyone

you are all invited to my event called “give a little”

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=logo#!/events/297077330392273/

It means that if you purchase anything on my site narelleakc.weebly.com/shop now until december 15th 2012 half of the amount I make will go to an awesome childrens fund

a non-profit organization called Children of Ma’at

the other half will go towards funding my creative projects and workings.

The “giving” is in the monetary support OR in the support of the event and all of the mentioned things.

I have a project to be released soon called ARTiculation Promos that caters to the needs of artists and art lovers but we need support for it so please like our page http://www.facebook.com/ARTiculationPromos and follow us on twitter @articulationpro if you are an artist or believe in the transformative and healing power of the arts!

The other is Children of Ma’at. I am not the creator but I’d like to support their work monetarily because I think that children should have quality programs that contribute to their growth and help them to succeed and be expressive in all areas of life. I wish that I had support of this nature when I was younger (not to say that I wasn’t supported or had a bad/rough childhood, not true) BUT I really find this organization is worth support. To me it is one thing to give morally but another to give financially..Money helps things move and collective action creates change. I am only doing this because it is what I know will help me and others do what is necessary. Ever since I read about the childrens fund I thought ” this is so beautiful”. My page facebook.com/narellethomasart is also in need of some love so if you like what you read in my bio please hit like for my page to show some support. I’m also on twitter so make sure you stay up with the latest @Narelle_T

I’ll be sure to follow back

If you have done alllll those (you’re VERY appreciated, much love to you) then please feel free to share this information as this is the other meaning of “give” in the name of this event. Share, share, share

Thank you all very much for your support. I’ll be sharing more soon =)

Did you ever

You ever feel?
You ever just sit there and feel your feelings?
Well I’m not the most emotional or the most deep
but I feel that I’ve become a lot more feeling
When I learned to accept the way that I am and noticed how many people are so uncomfortable being themselves
After I noticed how so many people learn after a certain point it is okay not to feel anymore
I felt even more compelled to share the way that I feel and spread the importance of really living
Trying
Caring enough to communicate clearly with the ones you care about because you know that it would hurt more to only know how someone really feels when they’re mad at you
I mean what if you blew up in an argument with someone and finally found out the truth and it scalded you
You go to work come back and realized that that was the last time you would see them or the last time they see you
How would you feel if you never let them know the truth unless it was thrown at the target person
Meant to burn char and cause their skin to peel
Communication should not begin or end in a stressful place
It should begin between sips of tea in the morning
A smile in the noon
A hug and kiss before bed
Many don’t get to talk anymore
Appreciate each others company
People are too frustrated to smile
To closed off or closed minded to connect
And even more feel too alone
Too scared
Too stubborn
Judgmental of themselves
Too scared to be vulnerable to feeling
To accept the truth as it is
Too afraid
Too hesitant
to talk about the reasons why

Copyright© 2012 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

The Unmasking of a Natural Beauty

Why do you laugh when I’m myself not that funny kind of laugh but… the hurtful one

why do I go home feeling hurt every day until pain overcomes my whole body and tears through my brain

putting your words on display

repeating and building ..

stronger

 each and every time

again and again

until I almost believe your lies

 why do I have to wear an elaborate disguise to hide myself

and mask my words with things that you’d like to hear

trying not to show my fear of being hurt and put down another day

I go to school

and ask what will it be today?

my kinky hair or my old hat to cover it?

will it be my big lips or the way that I suck them in to try to make them look like that supermodels on tv?

is it the shoes that i didn’t buy yesterday or the day before that makes you call me poor

is it that i don’t pronounce my words as clearly as you do

or how my family doesn’t have enough money to just supply me with whatever stuff i wish for?

 so i go home and ask my mom a different question every day

“why can’t i have a relaxer or a flat iron at least?”

“why is my nose wide and my lips big with cheek bones that reach for the sky?”

why can’t I at least have one more pair of shoes or show jewelery like the other kids

so one day she sat me down and i thought oh no i’ve already said too much  she knows everything i’m thinking and then she told me that that’s what makes me different…

that i’m the way that I’m supposed to be

a natural beauty

I don’t need to wear a mask to fit in and be like everyone else

 I can be myself

 me

I don’t need to wear a hat to cover my hair

my kinks and curls are beautiful and my features are lively

 I don’t need a relaxer to straighten my personality

she told me that I should never have shame for being myself and should use my words

 to make them think…

show them how to love themselves too

and how we can all help each other

and learn to love each other so much that we can push our differences aside

and embrace them 

sew our similarities together

 and just be us

the many that form one
 Copyright, 2011 Narelle Thomas, All rights reserved.  May not be duplicated in any form without express written permission by the author.