We live! Claim your voice

blog quote 3

 

I will not apologize for being who I am in words, action or thought. I will not shrink, diminish, or minimize myself to make anyone comfortable & I will not adapt to foolishness as not to rustle feathers. It is not to say that I have not accommodated in the past or brushed off others crap; it is to say that the more that you do that, the easier it becomes to do.

When I thought of writing this blog, I was reminded of a situation a couple of weeks ago where someone tried to diminish my expression and defer my sense of being able to handle a situation. They were trying to rewrite my words upon me speaking them, because I don’t always communicate in a linear way. This person did not take time to adjust, see, or be present to what I was doing, but instead side coached my whole process. This was appropriate because I sound young, am a black woman, and also can stand the ability to not have a stick up my rump all the time, so I must just be chatting, must be off topic, lacking the ability to be deliberate, or connect with others, and follow rules at the same time. Right?

I recognized the undertone of a need to control what I was doing rather than be present to it and re-route later or them allowing themselves to trust my particular process, since everyone is their own person. (A bit of background: I was being coached on a specific technique and method of doing something, but I had not veered off course yet enough to be interrupted the disproportionate amount of times that I was). I am not writing this because I can’t take criticism, am being overly sensitive, or desiring to complain. My intention is to share that you do not have to let anyone make you feel inferior because they don’t understand you, don’t work the same, are trying to control you, or have insecurities.

When people are used to certain ways of expression and they think that everyone should conform to those ways, it’s disheartening because then you realize that there is such a desire within some people to control and curate others (especially women & people of color’s processes because they are not presented or expressed within a certain expected narrative, are not necessarily robotic, verbally edited to be syrupy sweet, chipper, surface, redirecting, curled at the ends, removed, or presented in a covering state that some Americans have grown to be used to expecting for others to carry as a one size fits all way to express themselves and means of accepting others.

I did not say that the instruction was helpful or nice because it wasn’t. I am not sure of the way that I put my words together anymore, but I made sure that they were not apologetic or acceptance seeking, because I knew that I was being mistreated and that the person needed to know that I knew it was not fair or amusing.

If this takes me out of certain places, those places were not for me. If it removes me from people, those were not my people. Meanwhile, the plan is that I’m going to womanifest the $#^t out of this abundant life that I’ve been given. If we live a life of plenty, we must stop believing in and exuding lack. With the lemons, make herbal tea, lemonade, lemon cake, lemon water, juice them, use them for a still life, give one away, hold one in gratitude, rub it on your skin for toner, make fire cider, liver tonic, flavor your food, or whatever you need to do, do that!

Life is too vast, rich, and precious to wallow in dissatisfaction and a downplayed self worth, lack of self respect, or a shaky self love. Breathe and walk in your purpose with all the beauty and love that you are. Some people expect you to cower in the face and expression of their fear. Show them that you are born of the most. Show yourself and them that you are encompassing, cohesive, non random, unimaginable energy just as their ego was, and that what you exude is stronger than ego because it’s rooted in innerstanding, purpose and self love.

 

An affirmation to move forward:

  • I have released anything that has served its purpose, and I blossom in the deliberate strength and purpose of my existence. I am divinely protected and attracting the bounty of life!

 

A poem Inspired by the incident:

Just because your eardrums have issues holding space for the tones vibrancy and resonant frequencies uttered through my vocal cords to translate and harmonize spirit doesn’t mean that I will allow my voice to crack break and exude a pitch that you find more pleasant.

My people are not just of the valley 

We have been here since before this realm was released

If you need to close your eyes as I walk by, do what you need to do as you await that I scurry by 

Realize I tend to move in ways akin to the dance of a baby enjoying the freedom of the womb 

I am here to disappoint your expectations and appoint myself to my highest position in frequency and physical ability 

Nurtured in sacred space

My movements are a dance to the hums of black existence 

What you may not be able to see through, is sharp, full, all encompassing..

We live this music

You close your eyes and hear it

Block your ears and see it

Can’t escape it so you wish to change it, but we flow with the change and easily adapt to furthering life

When you can’t see, all of the other senses step in to function more keenly.

We all have night vision.

That’s inner vision

Though some are afraid of the dark

You label us the minority

Though in actuality that’s primarily only a hope for you or even just a wish.

When you look at reality, oh my how the picture is vividly flipped

You are the minority among brown and Black faces indigenous 

We give you back your gods 

So that we may properly reflect and recreate our image 

We dissolve mourning our lives in your hands and have no desire to beg at your mercy

We have always created

Recreated

Remixed

Procreated

Covered

Uncovered 

Protected 

Nurtured

Somehow focus gets redirected from staring at screens and embracing dreams deferred

Redirecting

We celebrate the highs and lows of our lives breath voices skin tones and pieces of our glory in daily life stories because this is what makes us human and visible

Creates our identities 

We will not cower and mourn in the darkness because we are full enough to do so in the light

We work to re-image our brokenness to visions and plans of building instead.

Home

Who are we to be fragmented compartmentalized beings? We are the world

Since the beginning and through the endings as the sun rolls across the sky each day

To reveal a different aspect of life 

Of creation

We create

How dare we believe we must sacrifice ourselves to live

as we were born creations as gifts.

We give a home to life 

And live

We live.

Home

 

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Copyright© 2018 Narelle Thomas

All rights reserved.

 

 

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Hoping That Someone Will See Me

inspired by a bus ride
watching some people stare at a man but say nothing
this piece is in the perspective of the man experiencing it

Hoping that someone will see me

Dressed in hot pink

Neon green

Purple and yellow

Hoping that someone will see me

Eyes shift

Heads turn

Eyes roll

Nose turns

Up

As I walk by

No words come from my mouth

Teeth sucked

As I sit down

Zebra print scarf

Hair comb clip from the eighties

Jean jacket

No words

Just looks

Just loud offended faces

Hoping someone will open their eyes instead of closing them

Head shaking

Put on everything in my drawers

Just hoping that someone would see me

Stares

Glares and whispers

Nothing new to me

Clip in hair designed for Barbie

fit so perfectly on me

“Crazy” is my name

Or at least that’s what they call me

Or maybe it’s “eww”

I seem to have forgotten

Maybe it’s “what the hell?”

Who gives a damn

I express myself the only way I know how

Words exchanged

Handed out freely

“Hi how ya doin?”

No one asks me

No smiles

Just dirty looks

Distance as they scoot further away

They think they can treat me any kind of way

Longing to just talk

Just feel again

I walk over next to them

Shocked

Nothing to say, I guess

Nothing new

Just about to speak

But someone looks at them

they feel ashamed.

So, sorry no greeting today

I wish they would learn not to color

Their glasses in with lies and judgement before they open their eyes

I wish they wouldn’t banish me from society before they see

So I proceed along

Best person they’d meet

Happy

Clean

Nice

Friendly

Long story

Yesterday on repeat

Day after day

Looking for someone

Different

Hoping that someone will see me

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

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