We live! Claim your voice

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I will not apologize for being who I am in words, action or thought. I will not shrink, diminish, or minimize myself to make anyone comfortable & I will not adapt to foolishness as not to rustle feathers. It is not to say that I have not accommodated in the past or brushed off others crap; it is to say that the more that you do that, the easier it becomes to do.

When I thought of writing this blog, I was reminded of a situation a couple of weeks ago where someone tried to diminish my expression and defer my sense of being able to handle a situation. They were trying to rewrite my words upon me speaking them, because I don’t always communicate in a linear way. This person did not take time to adjust, see, or be present to what I was doing, but instead side coached my whole process. This was appropriate because I sound young, am a black woman, and also can stand the ability to not have a stick up my rump all the time, so I must just be chatting, must be off topic, lacking the ability to be deliberate, or connect with others, and follow rules at the same time. Right?

I recognized the undertone of a need to control what I was doing rather than be present to it and re-route later or them allowing themselves to trust my particular process, since everyone is their own person. (A bit of background: I was being coached on a specific technique and method of doing something, but I had not veered off course yet enough to be interrupted the disproportionate amount of times that I was). I am not writing this because I can’t take criticism, am being overly sensitive, or desiring to complain. My intention is to share that you do not have to let anyone make you feel inferior because they don’t understand you, don’t work the same, are trying to control you, or have insecurities.

When people are used to certain ways of expression and they think that everyone should conform to those ways, it’s disheartening because then you realize that there is such a desire within some people to control and curate others (especially women & people of color’s processes because they are not presented or expressed within a certain expected narrative, are not necessarily robotic, verbally edited to be syrupy sweet, chipper, surface, redirecting, curled at the ends, removed, or presented in a covering state that some Americans have grown to be used to expecting for others to carry as a one size fits all way to express themselves and means of accepting others.

I did not say that the instruction was helpful or nice because it wasn’t. I am not sure of the way that I put my words together anymore, but I made sure that they were not apologetic or acceptance seeking, because I knew that I was being mistreated and that the person needed to know that I knew it was not fair or amusing.

If this takes me out of certain places, those places were not for me. If it removes me from people, those were not my people. Meanwhile, the plan is that I’m going to womanifest the $#^t out of this abundant life that I’ve been given. If we live a life of plenty, we must stop believing in and exuding lack. With the lemons, make herbal tea, lemonade, lemon cake, lemon water, juice them, use them for a still life, give one away, hold one in gratitude, rub it on your skin for toner, make fire cider, liver tonic, flavor your food, or whatever you need to do, do that!

Life is too vast, rich, and precious to wallow in dissatisfaction and a downplayed self worth, lack of self respect, or a shaky self love. Breathe and walk in your purpose with all the beauty and love that you are. Some people expect you to cower in the face and expression of their fear. Show them that you are born of the most. Show yourself and them that you are encompassing, cohesive, non random, unimaginable energy just as their ego was, and that what you exude is stronger than ego because it’s rooted in innerstanding, purpose and self love.

 

An affirmation to move forward:

  • I have released anything that has served its purpose, and I blossom in the deliberate strength and purpose of my existence. I am divinely protected and attracting the bounty of life!

 

A poem Inspired by the incident:

Just because your eardrums have issues holding space for the tones vibrancy and resonant frequencies uttered through my vocal cords to translate and harmonize spirit doesn’t mean that I will allow my voice to crack break and exude a pitch that you find more pleasant.

My people are not just of the valley 

We have been here since before this realm was released

If you need to close your eyes as I walk by, do what you need to do as you await that I scurry by 

Realize I tend to move in ways akin to the dance of a baby enjoying the freedom of the womb 

I am here to disappoint your expectations and appoint myself to my highest position in frequency and physical ability 

Nurtured in sacred space

My movements are a dance to the hums of black existence 

What you may not be able to see through, is sharp, full, all encompassing..

We live this music

You close your eyes and hear it

Block your ears and see it

Can’t escape it so you wish to change it, but we flow with the change and easily adapt to furthering life

When you can’t see, all of the other senses step in to function more keenly.

We all have night vision.

That’s inner vision

Though some are afraid of the dark

You label us the minority

Though in actuality that’s primarily only a hope for you or even just a wish.

When you look at reality, oh my how the picture is vividly flipped

You are the minority among brown and Black faces indigenous 

We give you back your gods 

So that we may properly reflect and recreate our image 

We dissolve mourning our lives in your hands and have no desire to beg at your mercy

We have always created

Recreated

Remixed

Procreated

Covered

Uncovered 

Protected 

Nurtured

Somehow focus gets redirected from staring at screens and embracing dreams deferred

Redirecting

We celebrate the highs and lows of our lives breath voices skin tones and pieces of our glory in daily life stories because this is what makes us human and visible

Creates our identities 

We will not cower and mourn in the darkness because we are full enough to do so in the light

We work to re-image our brokenness to visions and plans of building instead.

Home

Who are we to be fragmented compartmentalized beings? We are the world

Since the beginning and through the endings as the sun rolls across the sky each day

To reveal a different aspect of life 

Of creation

We create

How dare we believe we must sacrifice ourselves to live

as we were born creations as gifts.

We give a home to life 

And live

We live.

Home

 

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Copyright© 2018 Narelle Thomas

All rights reserved.

 

 

Show Me Who You Are

This piece is called Show me who you are.

This is very different because my self-portraits are usually called something like portrait of self…blah blah blah, but this time as I was adding the finishing touches I was painting to a song with that title by Jesse Boykins III.

You are probably wondering how I got the idea for this painting or what made me want to make a self-portrait.

Well..

At the beginning of the month I thought it woud be cool to make a piece of art and a poem for Women’s Herstory Month. I didn’t force it so a little later in the month this is what happened:

It all started when I was dancing around inside the house one day, then I started picturing some choreography in my head and later saw a still image of a woman dancing and I said “hum..maybe I can replicate that and make it into a painting.”  I had my younger sister take a picture of me while I tried to stay in the pose that I envisioned. Finally found a picture I liked and started drawing the figure. I also felt the feeling of the piece and how happy the woman was. I vaguely knew what I wanted the woman to look like but it was fine.

As I began to paint, I realized I liked the way I looked in the picture so I said “Hey, why not just continue with it?!” So I did. About 85% of the time that I painted I was listening to “Amen Awoman” (Also by Jesse Boykiins III) I love that song now..something about it just connected with me the whole time.

I thought of what I liked in myself, a little of what I value as a woman and let go with it..I feel like painting to certain music really takes me somewhere different with the work and adds dimensions to what I feel in the crative process..I really had fun and tried some different things & ultimately let the piece re-develop itself from my image and visions for it. Always open to receiving what you see in it..I actually will be working on another self-portrait sometime soon. I have ideas..they’ll soon come together further.

I said I haaaaad to finish this piece before the end of the month and so..Here it is!

Although I do believe we should honor and celebrate women every day of the year. Here’s a contribution..the poem I will most likely be sharing on soundcloud at a later date. 

Big thanks to two amazing artists that I have the privilege of having so close in vicinity and heart, my Mom and sister Aaliyah for sharing advice/critiques on this picture while I was in the process of fine tuning it..

Please let me know what you think.I welcome all feedback

Much love

Narelle~Image Ankh Khepera

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