Undone

I can’t love you
I can’t love you because I hate who I have become
I love you
Means nothing when I’m here crying and you are here to comfort me
Hugging me with your words and actions
Accepting me as I am
While I’m blinded with lies and insecurity
That convince me you’re laughing within, calling me a weakling
You love me but I can’t feel it because pain makes me numb
And since I can’t see, i can’t perceive
I don’t see that he only loves me when he needs me
I burn, so I burn the world around me and I set myself ablaze
Yes I am numb
Numb to the pain
No I’m not dumb
I’m not dumb
Just hurt
Disrespect disrespect disrespect curved by a kiss the next day
Good sex the next week
Yes he loves me
Yes we’re happy
Happily dysfunctional as I breathe again to trick my mind to thinking its cleared
I forget that I burn
Until you come along because you’re happy.
You must be hiding something..
.. and with all the wrong he does, you must have done something wrong too, because I don’t hurt because of him.
It’s you
It’s you I hate because you remind me that I keep making the same mistake
I am not a victim
I am not crazy
I’m just hurt
In love
In pain
I burn
And my fire is lost so I am just an ember
I can’t love you
because until I burn out I’ll try to deny that it’s him
and that my fear is the reason that I HATE who I’ve become
I used to love you
But now I see you and
it’s all undone

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

Listen Free- “Intrepid”- The poetry E.P.

If you like my poetry, please check out my E.P. Intrepid.
This is my first and only collection of recorded poetry. ‘you don’t have to download. Just send me your email or soundcloud name so you could have a free listen. Thanks for your support! peace and love!

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Hoping That Someone Will See Me

inspired by a bus ride
watching some people stare at a man but say nothing
this piece is in the perspective of the man experiencing it

Hoping that someone will see me

Dressed in hot pink

Neon green

Purple and yellow

Hoping that someone will see me

Eyes shift

Heads turn

Eyes roll

Nose turns

Up

As I walk by

No words come from my mouth

Teeth sucked

As I sit down

Zebra print scarf

Hair comb clip from the eighties

Jean jacket

No words

Just looks

Just loud offended faces

Hoping someone will open their eyes instead of closing them

Head shaking

Put on everything in my drawers

Just hoping that someone would see me

Stares

Glares and whispers

Nothing new to me

Clip in hair designed for Barbie

fit so perfectly on me

“Crazy” is my name

Or at least that’s what they call me

Or maybe it’s “eww”

I seem to have forgotten

Maybe it’s “what the hell?”

Who gives a damn

I express myself the only way I know how

Words exchanged

Handed out freely

“Hi how ya doin?”

No one asks me

No smiles

Just dirty looks

Distance as they scoot further away

They think they can treat me any kind of way

Longing to just talk

Just feel again

I walk over next to them

Shocked

Nothing to say, I guess

Nothing new

Just about to speak

But someone looks at them

they feel ashamed.

So, sorry no greeting today

I wish they would learn not to color

Their glasses in with lies and judgement before they open their eyes

I wish they wouldn’t banish me from society before they see

So I proceed along

Best person they’d meet

Happy

Clean

Nice

Friendly

Long story

Yesterday on repeat

Day after day

Looking for someone

Different

Hoping that someone will see me

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

I’ll re-write this when I’m sober

I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober when my words have less truth
And reality speaks louder
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober
When hurt won’t flow through the pen ink
When I learn to cry my tears without laughing
Halfway pretending that I’m drunk so that no one knows that I’m trying to cheer myself up with things that aren’t really funny
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober and life makes less sense and I can finally somehow come to grips with it all
I’ll rewrite this when I’m not chasing any and everything to avoid confronting my fears, the truth, and refilling shot after shot glass trying to hit targets that shift and move
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober to shatter all that we had, all the emotion that we are..
Maybe wish upon a star that when I’m sober nightmares DON’T turn into dreams so I can finally get stronger
Strong enough to embrace acceptance and recreate my reality
I’ll rewrite life when I’m sober
But for now I’ll write this down so that my mind can semi rest
I’ll rewrite life when I’m sober
But for now I’ll put myself to the test

Blog number 2!

jesse boykins iii

This month I am kicking off the second tier of my blog.

[Insert exciting theme music here]

Add horns, bells whistles, confetti and balloons etc. when the moment is.. write

Well, in moving on, every month I felt like starting this blog but I never felt ready or dedicated enough.

I’m ready now!

You’re probably like well what is IT? IT is my music blog! As many can probably tell, I am a music enthusiast to put it lightly, simply, and tactfully. I constantly listen to different artists and want to share my favorite things with others whether they be songs, groups, sounds, etc.

I enjoy reviewing things as those who follow me on instagram may tell from my “Saturday share” that sometimes happens on Sunday lol..That is where I used to do a mini review of my favorite song by an artistic associate and/or one of my soundcloud followers.

To begin this particular blog I’d like to introduce an r&b/soul artist:

Jesse Boykins III

He’s not really new to the scene at all, but I am new to him. I found out about him a few months ago.

Choosing to write about him for the blog was a little harder because I wasn’t sure who to pick but I thought “ I’ll choose an artist that I have had on repeat starting this year and the end of last year; I’ll choose an artist I was really excited that I found out about.”

Okay so to start I LOVE the smooth, dreamy, and different sound that Jesse has when he sings. I think he probably gets compared to dwele a lot but he has a different flare to his music. I love both artists and usually don’t like to make comparisons as each brings something all their own.

His voice just swoons me because the elements in his music whether it be the beat, featured poetry, instruments, storytelling, all create a peaceful and welcome hypnosis. His music is a fresh experience. I also really like his lyrics.

The first song that I listened to by him was “amorous”.  I was listening to my Dwele radio station on Pandora and heard him and was like “Ohhhhh who is THIS????!” I have to hear more of his work. I immediately read his biography and listened to more songs by him on youtube.

I love so many songs by him.

Some of my favorites are:

1.Restless Dreamer- really nice & sensual

2. Come to my room- such a calming song

Zoner- a psychedelic, incense burning type of song, kinda dreamy..I really like the video for this one

Sunstar-the ultimate hypnotist song “you’ve fallen deeper, deeper, deeper for me…” lol but it’s such a sweet beautiful song, the video for this one is nice too

3. B4 the night is thru- a chill club song, really felt it, like the video.. it was interesting and funny to me

I wish- I feel like a lot of people feel what he explains in this song, at some point

Shine-this song is like a laid back summer day

4.Amorous- just lovely all around =)

his cover of Prototype-Yessss it’s allllllllll of that! Everything. A  must listen for those who like the original

Light to Dark-  LOVE this video.. I can’t explain it..just like the song a lot, really creative

5.Pantyhose- it’s so catchy

Fever-you can feel the temp rising in this one

6.  The perfect blues, fun, danceable, lively, fun feeling

All-Just a favorite..like the lyrics

When your ready- At first I didn’t like this one too much

I’m not really sure why maybe it was the guitar/banjo sound (please excuse my comprehension/description of sound).. wasn’t my favorite..then it grew on me.. I like the lyrics, thought the sound was kinda cool, I like it haha

I really like so many lol. I guess they can’t all count right, but here’s why they do:

They’re all so great!

Check out his music. It will definitely be worth it if you have not yet. Also really really check out the ones I mentioned, hear for yourself, if you want you can even write back with your commentary on them..share your experience.

Hope you enjoy his work as much as I have

Peace, Love, and good tunes

Until this time next month,

Narelle

Aside

Trees 3

20130208-182018.jpg

This was supposed to be the third part to my feb 6th blog

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Poetry Blog switcheroo

Hi everyone, instead of my usual poetry blog I decided to share this great video that royallejelly has made for one of my signature poems the unmasking of a natural beauty.
Enjoy
Please share if you like it!
It’s also on soundcloud
https://soundcloud.com/#royalejelly/royalejelly-presents-unmasking

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reflections on the 19th year

Well I just turned another year old and thought to share a little of my reflecting thoughts

So this year for me has been VERY interesting indeed

I can be hard on myself sometimes but only because I know exactly what I want and that only I can go get it for myself and make what I want to see happen.

I think that was my constant quest. It always is.

This year has tested me a lot and taken me very far in re-discovery of self.

I really pushed myself to go further in every aspect of my life that I thought I could. It has been very interesting to see what I have to work on and how I have progressed.

I am sooooo grateful to all those who I have met. All of the people. People have taught me so much in conversation, in action, in deed, in silence, in stillness. I thank everyone I have met for all that they have shared with me. I thank everyone for any honesty, kindness, and conversation. Any form of love. It really is healing when you’re open  to it.

I have gone through a lot this year..Learned a lot about life.

 The key  things I learned about this year were discipline, drive and discernment

I thank my family, friends, supporters of my art, poetry, etc.

It all means a lot to me

I am so excited for the upcoming year . There will be a lot that takes place and I welcome it with great enthusiasm. Another level, another layer, another challenge.

I have a lot farther to go, a lot to learn

I’m  ready though

I say let’s go and continue to create change so that we can all grow!

A good year wish to everyone of prosperity, love and health..one of becoming

Peace &<3

Narelle~Ankh khepera

 

Engaging

On engaging
This is a short writing on a few thoughts that I had on engaging with other people. I just wanted to share them on my blog this month. Get people kinda ready for the ongoings of next month haha
maybe avoid some drama or just to keep in the back of your mind

*When trying to interact with someone…

When you are talking to someone you aren’t interested in talking to..
-try talking about something different that you haven’t really spoken of before
-try talking to them about something they like
-watch their responses to what you do and say and then pace your conversation/ interaction accordingly. Find out what makes them excited. Ask about whatever they express love towards what they respond to strongly, or bring up something new that you’ve never talked about
-Talk about something you like because sometimes people just like to listen, maybe take their focus off of their own lives

To truly engage, you have to learn how to listen actively.
This means no prequalifying, no judging, no assuming

Want to engage yourself in your tasks? For school?
Try listening to something you like while you do your work

Do your work and take planned breaks in between to work on something else
-Another way is to make a goal
For example, if the task is reading, dedicate yourself to reading up to a certain point each time
ex: reading in intervals of ten or so
or if it’s online try reading only what’s on the screen without paying attention to anything else until you finish that page

-Write something related to what you read that you thought was interesting or about a similar situation that connects to your life in the reading
-take notes on your reading

You can learn a lot through actively listening, reading/ engaging

Just wanted to share a couple things. Please share your feedback and/or experiences. Especially if you try some of these things.
I have more detailed writings in my upcoming chapbook so stay tuned!
Peace, Love, Possibility
Narelle~Ankh Khepera

Poem for this month- untitled

My feelings are embedded in the inaudible notes
On replay
In the backdrop between your breath and mine
dancing between heartbeats
Dancing
In the spaces that our words played through to get to each other
Living in worlds only created in the silence of the mind
Union of body
Impression on the spirit
Mutual expression
Felt
Ever mingling
Ever enchanted
Creating a burning in our core
As the butterflies reappear like the sun and rainbows after a deadly storm
We are silent and sure
Our mouths speak no words
Our gestures
Our eyes
Our minds say more
Our feelings
reciprocation
Never more adored

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