Undone

I can’t love you
I can’t love you because I hate who I have become
I love you
Means nothing when I’m here crying and you are here to comfort me
Hugging me with your words and actions
Accepting me as I am
While I’m blinded with lies and insecurity
That convince me you’re laughing within, calling me a weakling
You love me but I can’t feel it because pain makes me numb
And since I can’t see, i can’t perceive
I don’t see that he only loves me when he needs me
I burn, so I burn the world around me and I set myself ablaze
Yes I am numb
Numb to the pain
No I’m not dumb
I’m not dumb
Just hurt
Disrespect disrespect disrespect curved by a kiss the next day
Good sex the next week
Yes he loves me
Yes we’re happy
Happily dysfunctional as I breathe again to trick my mind to thinking its cleared
I forget that I burn
Until you come along because you’re happy.
You must be hiding something..
.. and with all the wrong he does, you must have done something wrong too, because I don’t hurt because of him.
It’s you
It’s you I hate because you remind me that I keep making the same mistake
I am not a victim
I am not crazy
I’m just hurt
In love
In pain
I burn
And my fire is lost so I am just an ember
I can’t love you
because until I burn out I’ll try to deny that it’s him
and that my fear is the reason that I HATE who I’ve become
I used to love you
But now I see you and
it’s all undone

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

Listen Free- “Intrepid”- The poetry E.P.

If you like my poetry, please check out my E.P. Intrepid.
This is my first and only collection of recorded poetry. ‘you don’t have to download. Just send me your email or soundcloud name so you could have a free listen. Thanks for your support! peace and love!

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Hoping That Someone Will See Me

inspired by a bus ride
watching some people stare at a man but say nothing
this piece is in the perspective of the man experiencing it

Hoping that someone will see me

Dressed in hot pink

Neon green

Purple and yellow

Hoping that someone will see me

Eyes shift

Heads turn

Eyes roll

Nose turns

Up

As I walk by

No words come from my mouth

Teeth sucked

As I sit down

Zebra print scarf

Hair comb clip from the eighties

Jean jacket

No words

Just looks

Just loud offended faces

Hoping someone will open their eyes instead of closing them

Head shaking

Put on everything in my drawers

Just hoping that someone would see me

Stares

Glares and whispers

Nothing new to me

Clip in hair designed for Barbie

fit so perfectly on me

“Crazy” is my name

Or at least that’s what they call me

Or maybe it’s “eww”

I seem to have forgotten

Maybe it’s “what the hell?”

Who gives a damn

I express myself the only way I know how

Words exchanged

Handed out freely

“Hi how ya doin?”

No one asks me

No smiles

Just dirty looks

Distance as they scoot further away

They think they can treat me any kind of way

Longing to just talk

Just feel again

I walk over next to them

Shocked

Nothing to say, I guess

Nothing new

Just about to speak

But someone looks at them

they feel ashamed.

So, sorry no greeting today

I wish they would learn not to color

Their glasses in with lies and judgement before they open their eyes

I wish they wouldn’t banish me from society before they see

So I proceed along

Best person they’d meet

Happy

Clean

Nice

Friendly

Long story

Yesterday on repeat

Day after day

Looking for someone

Different

Hoping that someone will see me

Copyright© 2013 Narelle Thomas
All rights reserved.

I’ll re-write this when I’m sober

I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober when my words have less truth
And reality speaks louder
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober
When hurt won’t flow through the pen ink
When I learn to cry my tears without laughing
Halfway pretending that I’m drunk so that no one knows that I’m trying to cheer myself up with things that aren’t really funny
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober and life makes less sense and I can finally somehow come to grips with it all
I’ll rewrite this when I’m not chasing any and everything to avoid confronting my fears, the truth, and refilling shot after shot glass trying to hit targets that shift and move
I’ll rewrite this when I’m sober to shatter all that we had, all the emotion that we are..
Maybe wish upon a star that when I’m sober nightmares DON’T turn into dreams so I can finally get stronger
Strong enough to embrace acceptance and recreate my reality
I’ll rewrite life when I’m sober
But for now I’ll write this down so that my mind can semi rest
I’ll rewrite life when I’m sober
But for now I’ll put myself to the test

Blog number 2!

jesse boykins iii

This month I am kicking off the second tier of my blog.

[Insert exciting theme music here]

Add horns, bells whistles, confetti and balloons etc. when the moment is.. write

Well, in moving on, every month I felt like starting this blog but I never felt ready or dedicated enough.

I’m ready now!

You’re probably like well what is IT? IT is my music blog! As many can probably tell, I am a music enthusiast to put it lightly, simply, and tactfully. I constantly listen to different artists and want to share my favorite things with others whether they be songs, groups, sounds, etc.

I enjoy reviewing things as those who follow me on instagram may tell from my “Saturday share” that sometimes happens on Sunday lol..That is where I used to do a mini review of my favorite song by an artistic associate and/or one of my soundcloud followers.

To begin this particular blog I’d like to introduce an r&b/soul artist:

Jesse Boykins III

He’s not really new to the scene at all, but I am new to him. I found out about him a few months ago.

Choosing to write about him for the blog was a little harder because I wasn’t sure who to pick but I thought “ I’ll choose an artist that I have had on repeat starting this year and the end of last year; I’ll choose an artist I was really excited that I found out about.”

Okay so to start I LOVE the smooth, dreamy, and different sound that Jesse has when he sings. I think he probably gets compared to dwele a lot but he has a different flare to his music. I love both artists and usually don’t like to make comparisons as each brings something all their own.

His voice just swoons me because the elements in his music whether it be the beat, featured poetry, instruments, storytelling, all create a peaceful and welcome hypnosis. His music is a fresh experience. I also really like his lyrics.

The first song that I listened to by him was “amorous”.  I was listening to my Dwele radio station on Pandora and heard him and was like “Ohhhhh who is THIS????!” I have to hear more of his work. I immediately read his biography and listened to more songs by him on youtube.

I love so many songs by him.

Some of my favorites are:

1.Restless Dreamer- really nice & sensual

2. Come to my room- such a calming song

Zoner- a psychedelic, incense burning type of song, kinda dreamy..I really like the video for this one

Sunstar-the ultimate hypnotist song “you’ve fallen deeper, deeper, deeper for me…” lol but it’s such a sweet beautiful song, the video for this one is nice too

3. B4 the night is thru- a chill club song, really felt it, like the video.. it was interesting and funny to me

I wish- I feel like a lot of people feel what he explains in this song, at some point

Shine-this song is like a laid back summer day

4.Amorous- just lovely all around =)

his cover of Prototype-Yessss it’s allllllllll of that! Everything. A  must listen for those who like the original

Light to Dark-  LOVE this video.. I can’t explain it..just like the song a lot, really creative

5.Pantyhose- it’s so catchy

Fever-you can feel the temp rising in this one

6.  The perfect blues, fun, danceable, lively, fun feeling

All-Just a favorite..like the lyrics

When your ready- At first I didn’t like this one too much

I’m not really sure why maybe it was the guitar/banjo sound (please excuse my comprehension/description of sound).. wasn’t my favorite..then it grew on me.. I like the lyrics, thought the sound was kinda cool, I like it haha

I really like so many lol. I guess they can’t all count right, but here’s why they do:

They’re all so great!

Check out his music. It will definitely be worth it if you have not yet. Also really really check out the ones I mentioned, hear for yourself, if you want you can even write back with your commentary on them..share your experience.

Hope you enjoy his work as much as I have

Peace, Love, and good tunes

Until this time next month,

Narelle

Aside

Trees 3

20130208-182018.jpg

This was supposed to be the third part to my feb 6th blog

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Poetry Blog switcheroo

Hi everyone, instead of my usual poetry blog I decided to share this great video that royallejelly has made for one of my signature poems the unmasking of a natural beauty.
Enjoy
Please share if you like it!
It’s also on soundcloud
https://soundcloud.com/#royalejelly/royalejelly-presents-unmasking

Video

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